I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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