I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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