I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
