hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
