i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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