Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
