I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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