I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
