I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
