I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
