I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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