So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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