You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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