Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
