you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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