He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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