I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
