Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
