and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
