I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
