I accidentally had phone sex last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love you. Go after that dick
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