hell yes lets make some ravioli
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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