Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're not piercing ourselves today.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
