My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
