i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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