Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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