We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
