I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
