Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
