imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
