Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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