so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
