Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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