I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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