How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
