you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
