i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
