I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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