I'm gonna have a badass scar
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
