i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
