she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
