Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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