I wish I only lived at night.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
