Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
