I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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