one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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