Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
