you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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