jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
