A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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