do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
