SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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